Review: Ole Latte; in English: “We approve of milky coffee”

The college academic year has begun – a time of learning, exploring strange new words, seeking out new life and new civilizations, boldly going… to class. Well guess what junior – college isn’t for any of that crap. It’s for banging hot people and drinking coffee; not necessarily in that order.

Now in this case maybe you’re a Portland State University student or just a random person wandering the hybridized sprawl that is Downtown Portland and PSU Campus. It’s inevitable that two things will occur: (1) you’ll be in a position where traffic is so bad you may as well park somewhere and get a cup of coffee OR (2) you just want a cup of coffee.

Review: MariGOLD coffee… alright that was bad, let me try again

When I read Barista Magazine’s select few articles on women in coffee roasting (http://baristamagazine.com/blog/category/people-in-coffee/women-in-coffee) I thought to myself two things: (1) Hey! Why isn’t Joey Gleason, the owner of Marigold listed, and (2) Wait a minute! Representation is one thing, but isn’t it just as sexist to celebrate women roasters by first focusing on the fact that they are women rather than the fact that they’re roasters? Maybe its just me, but I’d rather be celebrated for my skills, talents, and abilities that I worked at rather than the fact that I was born with a penis and, coincidentally, happen to have skills… So, as a demonstration of my reviewer skills, in contrast to Barista Magazine’s poorly thought-out premise: I offer unto you, sweet reader, a celebration of Marigold Coffee – the creation of Joey Gleason, her team, and their talents and abilities.

Review: Kahveology 103: Advanced Coffee Techniques

Hello class, I’m Dr. Izsó – today we’re going to talk about Kahveology. First, does anyone know what Kahveology is? No one? That’s okay, I’ll provide you with a quick definition and then we’ll get rolling: Kahveology; noun, the art of making an espresso better than sex. Class dismissed.

Seriously, they’re that good, like possibly best-in-Portland good… but we’ll get to that.

Article: How to French a Press – Now With Sexy Pictures

The French Press (FP from now on – not DP in case you were looking for porn) has been making a bit of a commercial comeback in Portland over the past few years. Places like Stumptown, Ristretto, Cellar Door, and even non-roasters like Stomping Grounds, Albina, and Arbor Lodge have been serving it as their go-to artisanal coffee brewing method

Review: Jim & Patty’s – Coffee People for non-coffee people

Preface: I have recently been informed by Jim Roberts that parts of this are inaccurate – he hasn’t yet elaborated on which parts, so while I do stand by my review, please take my cursory history of Jim & Patty’s with a grain of salt.

Update: Jim Roberts has not responded to repeated inquiries about my historical accuracy. Therefore, it’s a deductive fact that I am right about my history and he’s mad that his coffee is average.

Updated Update: Heard back from Jim – the complaint lodged had a two fold nature: (1) my review does not appear to be objective, and (2) I don’t know, I guess there is some sort of religious component I glossed over or bad-mouthed. (1) is absolutely correct – I didn’t like the coffee. So as you go through this review realize I am not being objective at all. As for (2)… it’s true that there is a fine line between coffee reviewing and Biblical exegesis; I have, thus far, attempted to avoid the common shift from the former to the latter. But if I were to play the hermeneutics game for a brief moment I’d wager that Jesus liked his coffee like he liked his disciples: light brown, earthy, and occasionally capable of betraying expectations. May we follow that path as well.

So I found myself out near Legacy Good Sam (the hospital in NW), primarily because I like the smell of death it’s close by 23rd, which means good coffee (Sterling is just a few blocks away) and plenty of delightful places to eat. Whilst wandering, however, I ran into a silly place called Jim & Patty’s Coffee. No they’re not a local roaster, but they have enough eclectic art, pastries, and Portland coffee history to tempt even the most devout espresso consumer.

Barista (4), more than just a friendly face behind the counter! 823 NW 23rd Ave

Just reflecting.

Named after the wonderful people behind the counter, Barista has been a Portland coffee institution since 2009. They are a multi-roaster cafe, which means they rotate coffees from Portland’s greatest roasters as well as a selection of roasters from all over North America.

NEOPHYTE REVIEW: 8oz americano, Seven Virtues, NE 60th and Glisan

Photo lovingly borrowed from the Seven Virtues website.

“The Perfect Amount of Watered Down”

I’ve lived in the same area of Portland for most of my seven years here: the Montavilla neighborhood, home to a stretch of NE 82nd street that has just as many car lots as, well, all the rest of 82nd street. But it’s also home to beautiful Montavilla Park, the bohemian Milepost 5 artist live/work space, and the trendy few blocks on Sandy which contain some of the best food in the city. Montavilla is a boundary neighborhood to some, the last bastion of Portland culture before one dives farther eastward into the “boonies” of Hazelwood and other far-east Portland neighborhoods, where the city becomes much more homogenized with the rest of America. In other words, the culture signal really starts to fade.

Review: Red E – A Treatise on Letter Coloration

Red E has chess boards; that – and that alone – might make it the best place to drink coffee in Portland. The person who plays chess and drinks coffee at the same time also has a robust knowledge of the arts and sciences, speaks three languages, and owns a time share in Maui. Lesson to the kids: drink coffee and play chess you little bastards.

Review: “Behind the Museum” and other non-geographical spaces

Behind the Museum Cafe

Note: Josh refused to try the Matcha Latte for some reason – I declined out of loyalty to the almighty espresso and Ryan refuses to consume green things. So try it because everyone says it’s amazing. Behind the Museum isn’t a roaster, they peddle Extracto beans; which is pretty damn decent given that they seem to put the time and effort into actually pulling good shots. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time at Behind the Museum as this was my go-to coffee place prior to Olé Latte opening up. If you get the old Japanese lady pulling your shots, consider yourself lucky; not only is she cute as a button but she’ll whip up a pretty good espresso too.