Twas but a couple days ago somebody said, “Hey Jayc, you should go visit San Diego and drink their coffee!” So the next day I got on a plane to San Diego and was in another Not-Portland – this version, however, was essentially a Larger, Generally Balmy, Tropical, and Questionable Portland… Or LGBTQP. Yeah, I just pulled that off and as a result that’s going to be our theme for this review. Pretty damn impressive if I do say so myself. Anyway, the LGBTQP community (San Diego) isn’t really known as a coffee hub in the US – which is fine because they have parks, museums, an Ocean, Mexico, and WAY more hot people than Portland. And even if all that doesn’t do it for you; they have a massive archery range right next to a busy freeway with absolutely no safety mechanisms preventing you from firing arrows into traffic (see Balboa Park). The point is there is a host of delightful of reasons to enjoy the LGBTQP community.
I kid you not, that’s the name of the coffee shop. Seriously “Simple Local Coffee” – that’s it. I usually try and turn the name of the coffee shop I’m reviewing into some sort of joke, but for this I just marvel at the use of obvious language. Why not start a coffee shop called “Coffee Shop Located in Close Proximity to Other Businesses” or “We Serve Beverages”? I guess, to be fair, Simple Local Coffee has a vastly superior adjective-to-noun ratio in their name. So future rival coffee shop owners take heed: name you place “Complex Multinational Coffee”. Also because I can’t resist: Simple Local Coffee forms the acronym SLC, which looks like the word Slick – we’ll roll with that as our theme for the remainder of this review.
I had a conference to attend in Coeur d’… We’ll just call it “Not-Portland”. So I had a conference to attend in Not-Portland and decided I would take a page out Ryan’s book and check out a few coffee places to review whilst there. Expectations were fairly low to be frank. A somewhat ponderous encounter with a local Macy’s employee concluded with her asking: “Ya’ll got a Macy’s out there in Oregon?”. Needless to say there was little to suggest artisan coffee is (or should be) a primary concern for the people of Not-Portland. Continue reading “Travel Review: Coeur d’Alene – Where the French Press likely went to die”
Stumptown created the cold brew market, and is currently watching all other coffeeshops from its pedestal on high as they scramble to keep up. Hell, they even own coldbrew.com. Before Stumptown I had never heard of cold brew; now nearly every coffeeshop has some form of the beverage sitting in a jug in their fridge, even Starbucks. It’s not surprising–cold brew is stupidly easy to make, and cutting back on the acidity can result in some amazing flavor notes to a drink in an industry seemingly striving for any innovation they can get their latte-art-drawing hands on. Continue reading “Cold Brew Re-view: Stumptown’s “Holiday Cheer””
The college academic year has begun – a time of learning, exploring strange new words, seeking out new life and new civilizations, boldly going… to class. Well guess what junior – college isn’t for any of that crap. It’s for banging hot people and drinking coffee; not necessarily in that order.
Now in this case maybe you’re a Portland State University student or just a random person wandering the hybridized sprawl that is Downtown Portland and PSU Campus. It’s inevitable that two things will occur: (1) you’ll be in a position where traffic is so bad you may as well park somewhere and get a cup of coffee OR (2) you just want a cup of coffee. Continue reading “Review: Ole Latte; in English: “We approve of milky coffee””
During my lunch break on this particularly fateful day in downtown Portland, I decided I would get an afternoon coffee. Typically my coffee drinking is relegated to the morning; I’ll have one cup of pour over at work and that usually gets me through the day. Occasionally when I’m tired or sluggish I’ll get a second coffee after lunch, but that’s an exception to my rule. See, I have rules, rituals if you will, in my life because if you don’t give yourself little rules, one day you’ll randomly stick five heroin needles in your arm and die. I mean, it could happen, right?, which is why you have an unconscious rule: “Don’t stick five heroin needles in my arm.” You don’t think you do, but you do (unless you’ve already done it, in which case, please go to the hospital). Continue reading “Neophyte Review: 12oz Americano, Lotus & Bean Espresso Bar, 536 SW 3rd Ave”